California Dreaming

From Julian Macassey

Wed, 15 Nov 1995

Mendocino is not just a satire, it is a way of life.

I was recently invited up to Mendocino to dive for abalone. Abalone are a marine snail, pretty tasty and often served in slope restaurants.

Mendocino is a county north of San Francisco. It is a coastal county and seems to consist of small communities and countless holiday cottages and houses.

Apart from the Yuppies from the Gay Bay, that come up for weekends, there is a hardcore of year round residents and people who work in the local tourist industry.

This is beautiful country, redwood trees, rugged coastline, nice wooden houses, cabins and dirt roads.

The year round residents here are the sort of people you expect to live in California. They really don't give a damn. They also can be found sitting in hot tubs and chugging vino at any hour of the day or night.

This is a part of the world where girls still say "What's your sign?" when they meet you. Guys with long hair sit in restaurants and talk about crop circles and UFOs.

The local Highway Patrol cars have not only a shotgun on board, but an M16 rifle as well. I looked at the armament in this traffic cop's car and asked "Why the M16?". I was told they need it because of all the evil pot farmers in Mendocino. Of course, everyone seems to smoke pot. If you ask around, someone will happily give you a "bag o' buds", no charge, just to be friendly.

If they ever flush the pot farmers and pot smokers out of Mendocino, there won't be anyone left.

The people up in Mendocino are truly "Laid back Californians". Many of the year rounders are members of the "idle rich". They can not really conceive of anyone having a job they have to be at. They gaily suggest you stay for a few more days and get miffed when you say you have to drive back to the salt mine in the big city.

Without doubt, Mendocino is an a.t. vacation spot. A place where nudity, intoxication and idleness are not frowned upon. Driving down the local lanes it is not uncommon to see a woman driving her car wearing a bath-robe. She is quite likely naked beneath it and on her way to a friend's house or just popping out for some victuals. They don't seem to have a dress code in Mendocino, more like an undress code. Well, they do recommend a wet suit if you dive in the chilly Pacific.

In this part of the world, everyone seems to have a tale to tell. Every one knows everyone's business. If anyone is having an affair, everyone seems to be in on it, offering support or condemnation.

At one hot tub party I was shown a Polaroid of two blondes standing together. One was my hostess, the other was what appeared to be a female addressed as a witch. My hostess, in her breathless way had this tale to tell about the picture.

She was invited to a local Halloween party given by a homo couple. While she was there, a lesbian she knew arrived with another woman she had never seen before (The other blonde in the Polaroid). She was introduced to the Witch character and as she put it. "I found myself attracted to this woman, although I have never been attracted to a woman before."

The two blondes got on well at the party and part way through the evening the witch took my hostess to one side and said: "Actually I am a man and would like a date with you."

My hostess was somewhat relieved that the witch was a guy in drag and made a date for the following Wednesday - A hot tub date if course.

So, she gets all dolled up and staggers over to meet her date who told her he works in the local construction industry. They share a couple of glasses of wine and the "guy" starts talking about how uncomfortable he feels about his body. My hostess finds herself having to reassure a guy that it's OK, she doesn't mind how he feels etc. and his body isn't all that important. She starts to wonder why she is having to say to a "Construction worker" the sort of stuff men often find themselves saying to women.

Then her date grabs his chest, cupping a reasonable set of Bs and says: "These are real - I'm going through my sex change."

She nearly died. then he told her that he still had a penis but was currently going through the changes to become a woman.

Freakout time, poor girl had expected an evening of idle chat, vino, necking maybe and now she had this. Here is a date that turns into a therapy session.

This guy wants to be a woman. Why does he want to be a woman? So as a woman, he (she?) can then have lesbian affairs with other women.

My hostess is completely confused by now. She is also confused by her role in this date, or even her role in any future relationship. Is this guy's pecker to be considered a "useless appendage", or is it still to be used for sex until it gets lopped off? She didn't dare ask, not really wanting to know the answer.

The evening was not a success. But have no fear, everyone in town now knows about it.


--
Julian Macassey