Some random thinkings

From NIKOLAUS MAACK

2 Nov 1995

Ever since I mentioned to my girlfriend that I read here in good ole alt.tasteless that the average person farts 14 times a day, we've been counting our farts religiously. It makes for strange conversation.

"So as I was saying to so-and-so..."

"Five."

"Five? What do you..." *sniff sniff* "Oh."

And then, later that night, I lay naked on my girlfriend's bed while she popped all the pimples on my body. On my face, my arms, my back, my ass, my legs. Shit, who knew there were so many pimples on a person? She would cackle with glee as she would come across one, and then squeeze it with her finger nails. There's be that nice jab of pain, followed by release. Like a mini orgasm.

[The following is a fictional add on to make this worthy of being in alt.tasteless. If you don't understand the difference between fiction and reality, then you're probably a fundemantalist christian, and should be praying instead of reading this garbage.]

While hunting all over my girlfriend's body for pimples, I came across her clitoris, and, in the madness of the moment, mistaking it for a pimple, I tried to pop it. And I did. It popped open, and bits of clitoris flew everywhere. My girlfriend began to scream, and I flashed back to first aid class. What does one do to stop bleeding? Direct pressure!

Well, I thought to myself, last week when we had sex in a certain way, she really enjoyed it because my pelvic bone put "direct pressure" on her clitoris.

So being the clever sort of guy that I am, I moved my girlfriend about so that my pelvic bone would do just that. Then, while fucking her, I dialled 911.

"What's the matter?" the 911 operator asked.

"I blew up my girlfriend's clitoris like a pimple, and now I'm fucking her to stop the bleeding. Please hurry, I may cum soon."

So fire trucks and ambulances and police cars all arrived at my girlfriend's place (scaring the hell out of her parents). The ambulance attendants decided that I should keep on applying pressure, so the two of us were slipped naked on to the stretcher, and carried out of my girlfriend's home. Her mom fainted upon seeing my recently de-pimpled derriere shaking about as I thrusted in and out of what she thought was her daughter's *virgin* cunt. (I was supposed to be teaching her algebra, not fucking her, or popping her pimples.)

In any case, the police decided not to press charges for any of my crimes, (statutory rape, impromptu clitorendectomy, etc) as I blew them. Cops sure do cum quick when you suck on their nightsticks and fondle their balls. Guess that's why the join the force: to take out their aggressions in some way other than sex and beating their wives.

I wouldn't want to leave you all with the impression that police officers are mad, violent, crazed neanderthals with a bloodthirsty sense of aggression. Some cops got real tender after I blew them, and wanted to cuddle for a while. It was so cute. I felt real guilty when I handcuffed them, made them perform oral sex on their guns (after first fucking them up the ass with those same guns) and the used their steel batons to beat their testicles like they were eggs. Ayep. Sure felt guilty. For about 5 minutes.

Ah, morals. You slip and slide out of my heart like a big greasy cock out of a screaming tight little rectum.

Nik

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