My Poor Ol' Lazy Dick

From Dr Sonya

Sat, 11 Nov 1995

Jeff Smith writes: "Having a bladder roughly the size of a peach pit, I get up to whizz a few times a night. "

Hmmmm....well, unless you've been drinking a quart of water, coffee, or beer prior to going to bed, nocturia (pissing at night) ain't particularly normal. Most often, it's a sign of diabetes mellitus. A quick n' tasteless way to tell: taste your urine; if it has a sweet taste, you best be visiting your local quack. Historical tasteless note: this is the way that diabetes was diagnosed Way Back When - a "doctor" would taste the patient's urine for a sweet taste. The name "mellitus" comes from the Greek word *mililotos*, which means "sweet clover". Hollister - do you like to prime your diabetic boys with some candy or Coke prior to partaking in their golden offerings?

Okay, 'nuff of that little sidetrack - now on to the "meat" of the matter ...

"Could I be stretching the tendons or supporting muscles by bending my schween three times a night -- hastening my inevitable sexual incompetence? Tae? (gulp) Sonya? Anybody? "

[grabs Netter's Atlas of Human Anatomy off bookshelf]

Well, for starters, there are no muscles per se that are responsible for an erect choad. The muscles in the base of the penis are the bulbospongiosus muscle, which is found at the base underneath the choad. It appears to wrap around the base only (therefore, not onto the shaft). The other is the ischiocavernosus muscle which again covers the corpora cavernosa part of the choad at the base. These muscles are very thin, and lie between several layers of fascia covering the choad and nutsack. I don't think you have to worry about bending your ManTool when you wiz with an erection.

While we're at it, there are some other fun anatomical facts about the anatomy of this area that must be mentioned. The next time you have your face, PissPump, or favorite foreign object in someone's perineal area, you can say you read about it on a.t.!

Perineum: basically the area between the pubic symphysis and tip of the coccyx (tailbone), with the sides being formed by the ischial tuberosities (your "sit-bones"). Those geometry wizzes out there will see that these areas will form a trapezoid. A line carried across the ischial tuberosites will form two triangles:

Urogenital triangle: In women, this includes the WhiskerBiscuit (tm Zeno) and all associated structures. In men, it's pretty much the area commonly referred to as the "taint". Nothing really exciting (i.e. - no orifice) 'cept the base of the nutsack. Is a great place to apply some serious tongue action in either sex.

Anal triangle: A favorite area of our buddy Spike and all other anophiles. This obviously contains the A.T. Chosen Orifice - the anus, leather donut, chocolate starfish, brown eye, etc. Also contains the "taint" in women.

Here is a little ASCII to give you an idea; assume your partner (or mother, in the case of mcDouch) is lying with his/her legs apart (yum, yum!):

\ / <----inner thigh
\00/ <----nutsack (yeah, it's small - so?)
/||\ <----pubic symphysis/base of choad
/ `\ <----urogenital triangle
<-------> <----left ischial tuberosity
\ / <----anal triangle
\(*)/ <----anus (aka "Bane's tunnel 'o love")
`\/ <----tip of coccyx
__/\__ <---bottom of ass


If you don't like the diagram, you can kiss my (*). I'm a fuckin' doctor, not an ASCII artist.

"ObPiss: After drinking coffee, my urine smells like straw."

Hmmmm...sorry, Jeff - I don't know what to say about this. Other than to wonder if it is expresso or regular coffee...bwhahahah! If you ever cart your sorry ass out this way like you've *promised*, we can do some piss taste/smell tests on you with various ingested fluids.

BTW - thanks for all those that wrote with requests for the "Tasteless Medical Condition of the week"; I've gotten enough requests to last a few mos, and I will add my own as I come across them. Stay tuned....

ObTeaser: I checked out an amazingly greaH^H^H^H^oss book of macropathology (that is, pics of the entire diseased organ, etc). I knew I had to share it with you scumbags when I saw Chapter 18 - Malformations Definition: "Malformations are permanent defomities of the entire body or parts thereof....Monsters are infants born with pronounced malformations; less severe deviations from the norm are called anomalies." Woo hoo - you would not *believe* the pictures of these abominations! Anybody got a scanner they wanna let me borrow?

-Dr. S. , again bringing you the best that tasteless medicine has to offer!