Trans-urethral surgery

From Billski:

I previously posted my story about my prostate ultrasound. To briefly recap, I got no sperms in my spooge. So they did this ultrasound to look to see if there is a possibility that something is tangled up on the inside. Yup, they found a potential problem. So the doctor said the next step is the.......

T r a n s - U r e t h r a l R e s e c t i o n ! ! ! (Strains of Beethoven's Fifth, 1st movement in background).

Herein I describe what happened to me last week during this procedure.

Somewhere up inside (most) guys, there is a junction where 2 tubes come together. One tube from the bladder, the other from the nuts. Where these 2 tubes join, there is supposed to be an opening. I had no opening. To make one, it is necessary to enter the first tube (called the urethra). I must point out that to get to this tube, no cutting on the body need take place. Why cut an opening where there is already a conveniently placed opening at the end of my SpoogeCannon[tm]?

So, while I'm flat on my back, strapped to a table, the doctor proceeded to enter the end of my pecker with a combination microscope/scalpel. He inserts this thing until he gets to the junction of the aforementioned tubes, and where I had no opening, he used the scalpel to remove the extra tissue that was blocking my openings. Luckily I was asleep for the 15 minutes it took to do this.

When I awoke and was wheeled to the recovery room, I told the nurse that I had to pee. She said "Go ahead, honey. You've got a catheter in you". The dickens you say. A catheter is that tube thingy, isn't it? So I reach down and feel the head of my tool, and sure enough there's a tube sticking out. So I try to pee and can't. Oh well, no big deal. I then lifted the sheet covering my legs, and see that there is a bag of bloody piss strapped to my leg. Cool.

Anyway, I go home with this catheter inside, where it will stay for the next 28 hours. Walking with this thing isn't the easiest thing in the world, but there isn't much pain. Throughout the day, the bag continues to fill with a combination of blood and piss. Every 90 minutes or so my wife must empty the bag. (If you ever come eat at my house and she serves you something from a tupperware bowl, it's probably the one we used to dump the piss into, cause it was too hard to get off the couch.)

Eventually, the blood in my pee started to clear up, but you have to know how the catheter works. It goes all the way up into the bladder. The cuts the doctor made were much lower than that. So, while a little blood was working its way out via my bladder, there were copious quantities seeping out from the end of my schlong, matting my pubes, dampening my undies, and staining the couch. Every step I took made blood seep out. I could feel it dripping from the end of my dinkus. I could feel the catheter tube sliding in and out as I walked because it was slick with my blood. We didn't notice this thing about the couch at first. Then I had to sit on a towel the rest of the day.

Throughout the night I had to wake up every 90 minutes or so to empty my piss bag. They had told me to drink LOTS of fluids the next couple of days, and boy did I piss like a mother fucker! The next day, I went to the doctor who removed the catheter. That in itself was the most unusual sensation I have ever experienced. He first had to drain the tubing with a syringe, and then all of a sudden with no warning, he pulled the tube. It came out quickly, and like I said, it was an undescribable sensation. Not painful, a little sting, but just fucking weird. I can't explain it.

The obvious question on everyone's mind at this point should be "When can he try out the ol' plumbing?". Well, it was obvious to everyone but me. Sex was the last damn thing on my mind. I would have gladly waited 2 weeks from that point. But, the doctor told me I "must ejaculate within the next 3 days, either alone or with my wife". So, at the last possible moment, I grabbed the wife, we slapped in a porno, and proceeded to induce ejaculation. I was too chicken to put it in her, and she was too chicken to let me, so I gladly settled for a hand job. The really interesting part is that when I did cum (that time and the next several times), it looked like a gooey mass of melted candy canes...all red and white. Bloody spooge, what a concept!

Well, that's my story. It really happened to me. It's been a week now, and I still pass a little blood and the occasional blood clot, which is interesting to see floating in the toilet first thing in the morning.

Here's to modern medicine.

---
Billski

"There's a lot to be said for the slippery friction of mucous membranes!" -- hacked from Lazurus Long


(Originally posted on Fri, 27 Oct 1995)